Our Little Evil Genius

Baby G isn't so much a baby anymore. I'm not sure there are words enough to adequately describe the tiny little human she has become. I'll try though. She is a darling demon. A smiling sandstorm of terror. A happy little hellion. A charming one-man wrecking crew. A scheming, twisted, plotting, mischievous, chaos-causing...I should probably stop. You get the picture by now anyway. The crazy part is she does it all with the cutest smile on her face! And has no conscience whatsoever. She's trouble. Right here in River City, or wherever we are. Here are just a few of the crimes she's committed this month alone:
-Cracked raw eggs on the counter and floor.
-Devoured bags of marshmallows or chocolate chips that were hidden in the highest kitchen cupboard.
-Dumped out 3/4 of a new shampoo bottle.
-Dumped out the nutmeg.
-Dumped out 1/2 the GrapeNuts box and a whole bag of Rice Krispies (I'm sensing a pattern - she likes to dump).
-Poured half the salt shaker in her spaghetti.
-Smeared paint all over her baby sister's standing saucer. And her baby sister.
-Colored with markers on the carpet, her sister's bed, herself, the table, the walls...need I go on?
-Oh oh, colored with Dry Erase Marker all over the computer screen and keyboard.
-Pooped on the curtains. Yes, the curtains.
-Pooped on the CD player. Yes, we still own a CD player. You have to put actual CDs in it.
-Pooped in a towel, wrapped it up and then slept on it (WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT???)
-Emptied all dresser drawers during most nap times.
-Made sure there was no longer anything hanging up in the closets.
-Repeatedly sprayed her baby sister in the face with a spray bottle.
-Escaped nap time to go wake the baby.
-Cleaned the bathroom by scrubbing everything within reach with toilet paper that she dipped in toilet water (this one's a favorite of hers. Can't tell you how many times she's done it)
-Smeared toothpaste all over the bathroom mirror.
-Put the puppy at the top of the slide.
-Painted her face with glitter nail polish right before church.
-Climbed displays, hid in toilet paper fortresses, and disappeared completely when our backs were turned at Walmart.
-Colored with permanent metallic marker on the chalkboard.
-Tormented her brother by stealing his favorite everything.
-Transferred all her food from her plate into her full water cup, skewered a whole apple with a fork and shoved said apple like a plunger into her cup again and again. And then tried to balance her plate on top.
I know that most kids do or have done these things at some point in time (or at least I tell myself that to feel better). It's just how many of them she manages to do in a single day that blows my mind. And ruins my house. To say nothing of my sanity! It's a phase, right?