Red's Photography

In talking with a coworker, I was reminded that Red used to spend a lot of time taking pictures. His photography is generally of beautiful nature scenes in Oregon and Utah, sometimes enhanced a bit with a computer. He has his own distinct style, which you'll see. Anyway, here's one of my favorites. Click on the picture to see more like it. They make great computer desktops--I'm sure he'd say they make good wall decorations so that you'd buy prints from him.

Mormons and Dirty Old Women

You might have heard of the new movie American Mormon. Basically, two guys went around to different cities around the country and asked people what they knew about Mormons. I found a list of some of the things they heard, and have included some of my favorites--with, of course, some of my own brilliant commentary (in italics).

DISCLAIMER: If you are not LDS or are not extremely familiar with the LDS Church or the culture of its members, then proceed with caution. This is humor--if you have actual questions about the Church or anything you read here, feel free to ask in the comments section or click on the LDS Church link in the right sidebar. Now, on to the fun.

Q: What do you know about Utah?

"I had saw the church. I love that golden bugle they have, (the) bugle boy on top of the church."
I have such a hard time criticizing grammar and the uselessness of comments when they're just so darn nice!

"We couldn't find a bottle of wine anywhere."
Why were you looking for one? Sinner!

"I don't know, something about lizard people."
That's the only way the people could survive in a desert wasteland such as this.

Q: What do you know about the Mormons?

"What do I know about Mormons? Oh, enough."
Apparently not if you don't want to know more!

"Crazy religious group."
First intelligent comment yet.

"It's close to Christian, isn't it?"
I think that's right--where is Christian again? Isn't that near Tremonton?

"Oh, I'd rather not talk about that."
And we don't want you to talk about subjects that are uncomfortable for you. Unless, of course, two nicely dressed young men with nametags knock on your door. I highly suggest that you talk to them.

Q: If you had one piece of advice for Mormons, what would it be?

"Become a Catholic."
Touche.

Q: What are Mormons like?

"I think a while ago they couldn't drink caffeine, until they bought Pepsi and cola companies. Now you can drink it."
A while ago we couldn't walk either. Then we bought Nike. Thank goodness, I was getting really tired of crawling everywhere.

"They're very peppy."
It's all of the newly-purchased caffeinated beverages.

"They have their own Bible, I know that."
Everyone should own at least one.

"When I think of Mormons I think of BYU, all the people there. Clean cut guys."
Yeah, we're sexy.

"They try to stay to the old ways. Like They're not into the big technology. They try to stick to the way they used to do things. They certainly don't have computers or phones. I imagine they're still churning butter. Just kind of riding in their wagon to the neighbors'."
I never did understand the confusion with the Amish. However, there is nothing better than freshly churned butter straight from the barrel. Just the way mom used to make it.

Q: What do they look like?

"I think they're blond and very waspy."
Those are Swedes.

"They had those scarf things on their head, very plain, no makeup."
I don't know about you, but wearing a scarf on the head sounds exciting to me--anything but plain.

"They're usually dressed in dark pants and a white shirt. And a backpack."
The backpack is to keep all of our bugles, caffeinated beverages, and bibles.

"Sounds like white Jehovah's Witnesses."
What do you say to this?

"I know you're not supposed to drink. I don't think dancing is good. They outlawed dancing."
Great news! Now I have an excuse to hate dancing!

"They got to be in early on Saturday night."
That's so we can get an early start on the butter-churning.

"You can't go on 'The Real World.' That girl got kicked out of Brigham Young."
That wasn't because she was Mormon. That's because she was an idiot. We don't like idiots here at BYU.

"They can't drink, smoke, chew or chase dirty old women. They are allowed to gamble."
Ha! My personal favorite. Aside from the obvious questions, I want to know if we're allowed to chew dirty young women or if it's just restricted to the dirty elderly ones.

"From what I've seen of Mormons they've just got too much superstition if you ask me. From what I've seen, they seem to think everything is evil -- makeup and certain dressing. They're very insecure about the outside world."
Duh. Everything is evil.

"They believe they should have a lot of children so they can save their souls. Every baby not born to a Mormon family is like condemned forever."
I can't argue with logic!

"We have heard that they have a kind of coming-of-age celebration where they can kind of let loose for a while and see what they think. Like a Mardi Gras of sorts. Where're they're allowed to let their hair down and see how the other half lives. I was watching it on the Discovery Channel."
I can't argue with the Discovery Channel!

"I know they believe in God, but I think they got the Bible a little mixed up."
At least we have our own.

"Don't they believe something weird, like only 140 people can get into heaven or something?"
We believe in lots of weird stuff. That's just the beginning!

"As a Catholic, we confess to a priest. They stand up and confess to each other. In a big meeting that lasted forever."
Please! Just bear testimony of the gospel, people!!!"

"They believe that after you die, if you're a Mormon, you become like ruler of your own little planet or your old little world. Yeah."
I call Saturn!

"I like the fact that you guys are clean cut and have a good reputation, but you guys need to do a little more outreach. Let people know who you are."
I have an idea. Let's have 60,000 young, conspicuously dressed men and women travel the world just to tell people about us! I'm a genius!

Well, that's enough technology for me! I'm gonna hop on my wagon, head down to Vegas, let my hair down and get crazy with some cola baby!

Be sure to send this to 100 people or you'll die.

I got one of those mass forwards the other day from CoopSister--the kind that asks a billion questions and you are supposed to fill in your own answers. I'd complain, but it's from my sister and, besides the fact that she reads my blog (supposedly), I always love hearing from her. Thought it might be cool to post my answers to this. We'll see.

1. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES?
Blue--could a question be more useless?

2. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING NOW?
Book of Mormon (though not as much as I should), and textbooks (though not as much as I should). Reading for pleasure went out the window a long time ago. Actually, I rarely find pleasure in reading anyway. Unless it's the Chronicles of Narnia series. Or Sports Illustrated. I can't get enough of those.

3. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
American flag. I stole it from my friend Pops. Or it could have been Red's. It matters not. It's mine now.

4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
Sequence, but basically anything my wife will play with me. Except Monopoly. We don't play Monopoly. Through years of contentious games, JM's dad has conditioned her to think that anyone who wants to trade properties is trying to screw her over. So we don't play.

5. LEAST FAVORITE SMELLS?
Body odor. Other people's anyway. I don't really mind mine. Yeah, that's gross.

6. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF IN THE MORNING?
NNNOOOO!!!

7. FAVORITE COLOR:
Blue

8. LEAST FAVORITE COLOR:
Depends on the situation. If it's on a car, white. If it's on men's clothing, pink. It all depends.

9. HOW MANY RINGS until YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?
I was wrong about the plates question. This question is worse.

10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?
With all of the trouble we had with naming our current child, do you think we have any idea what to do in the future? Plus, even thinking about another child when memories of the pregnancy and birth are still fresh is making me queasy. In fact... I'll be right back.

11. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
Well, since chocolate is the only choice with taste, I'll go with chocolate. Dark is preferable.

12. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST?
Yes, in fact I do. If I had a lot of money it would be a huge temptation to buy some really nice cars and go flyin' around. But that is contingent on having a lot of money, so we should have nothing to worry about.

13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
If anyone does, at this age, they should lose their sleeping privileges. (No offense to anyone that does. [snicker])

14. DO YOU LIKE THUNDERSTORMS:
Heck yeah, baby! Brasil had amazing storms. I miss those.

15. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
1979 Volkswagen Rabbit--Mexico Beige. Oh, that baby was sweet. It was tricked out--complete with an empty bottle of Jolt (yeah, I was a rebel) to stuff under the emergency brake to keep it up. Broke my heart when he died--his name was Nacho. [sniff]

16. SIGN?
I've always really liked the "Slow Children Playing" one. That's a cool sign.

17. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?
I didn't know that cutting off the stems was something that people do until my wife started doing it. I said, "What are you doing?" She said, "Cutting off the stems." It was quite a time. I, on the other hand, eat it all--cooked or raw. When I was a kid I would pretend that they were trees and I was a giant. I don't do that much anymore.

18. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB WHAT WOULD IT BE?
My dream job would be to be a sports columnist for a newspaper. BIG salary, write one article per week--of opinion, no less--and be required to watch sports? I don't think it'd get better than that, aside from actually playing sports for a living. Or being a musician, except that doesn't pay as well. Okay, apparently I have a few dream jobs.

19. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY COLOR HAIR WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Lightening. It's the color of the Oregon Ducks' football uniforms. Nike says that they actually invented a color and called it lightening. It looks like they're a bunch of highlighters running around. That would be really cool as hair.

20. IS THE GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY?
Depends on what's in the glass. If we're talking my daughter's future? Half full! If we're talking the future of Hillary Clinton's political career? It's gotta be half empty. Which would make it half full for me.

21. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE?
Braveheart (although I'm not admitting to having seen it), Pirates of the Caribbean, Return to Me, Finding Nemo, etc.

22. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?
The right keys, the left keys, the up and down keys, I use 'em all, baby! Except for that crazy Scroll Lock--what does that do, anyway? (Please, if you know, don't tell me.)

23. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?
JellaMama's plastic container of socks, two folding chairs, a tent, blankets, and, most likely, some chapstick.

24. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER?
12

25. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
I will literally watch and get into any sport except for figure skating. I have been known to watch Australian Rules Football matches at three in the morning and be cheering. I have not been known to watch figure skating at any time. Or cheer for it. Ever.

26. YOUR SINGLE BIGGEST INTENSE PAIN?
Can a pain be big? I guess if a really fat guy feels pain all over his body that would be a big pain. But if we're talking my single most intense pain, worms on the mission. (The inside kind, not earthworms. They don't bite or anything.) Or getting knocked in the junk playing ball or something. Either way, intense pain, even if only for a short time--nothing compared to giving birth, so don't jump on me for that.

27. PERSON MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Thank goodness this is on my blog and not E-mailed... you don't have to! Or feel bad for not doing so.

28. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
CoopSister said, "Awe, so easy...Coops!" (Her daughter, CoopNiece, calls me "Coopsie," by the way, but CoopSister swears she doesn't know where that came from.) This'll show her! Of course, it could have been reverse psychology....

30. HAMBURGER OR HOT DOG?
Both! However, nothing beats a burger at Stanich's. If you ever go to Portland, ask someone how to get there and get a Special and root beer. You'll think you've died and gone to heaven. However, with all of the grease, you might actually die. Hopefully you'll go to heaven.

31. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
I like Oregano, Basil, or good old salt and pepper. Oh, you said "season," not "seasoning?" Oh. Then that would be basketball season. Although college football season is right there. And baseball season gives them all a run for their money if the Mariners are good.

32. THE BEST PLACE YOU HAVE EVER BEEN?
Oregon, and Rio de Janeiro, Brasil. The natural beauty of those two places is unmatched.

33. WHAT SCREEN SAVER IS ON YOUR COMPUTER RIGHT NOW?
A slide show of Sweet Baby J, JellaMama, and others. The computer knows better than to put up pictures of me too often.

34. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
How fast does the food have to be? Cafe Rio is spectacular, as is the aforementioned Stanich's. There's also an Escape from New York Pizza in Portland that can't be beat. However, if we're just talking really fast food, McDonald's fries are the best, and Burger King's burgers are the best.

35. YOUR BIRTH NAME?
We don't do that here. We're too good for birth names.

Song of the Day Retired

Due to a problem with the server I used to get the songs of the day from, the songs of the day will no longer be posted. I know, that's heartbreaking to all. I'll try and figure out some amazing feature to take their place. Until then, I'll keep them over there. The links just won't work. It'll be like a joke. Ha.

Weekend Wrap-up

Welcome back me from a much-needed weekend in Oregon--where things actually grow. As always, it was fabulous to see family (and trees) again. Here's how the weekend went.

Friday afternoon: Procrastinated packing as long as possible, which almost caused us to be late for the flight. Luckily, the flight was delayed 45 minutes so we were fine. So we didn't even get to abuse the pre-boarding privilege by arriving later and boarding earlier than everyone. Lame. We then taxied the runway for another 45 minutes, effectively irritating Jella (who was hungry but was waiting to be fed until we took off so that her head wouldn't explode), which causes JellaMama to attempt to rip the head off the co-pilot (she was going to leave the pilot's head attached so that we could still fly). They let her stay on the plane though because she only attempted to take the life of the co-pilot--and because she's really pretty. We finally take off, only to feel as though we were bouncing on the ground 'til we were past the Utah borders. That was, by far, the worst turbulence in all of my days of flying. Now I don't mind turbulence that much, except when we're taking off. Turbulence at a billion feet in the air isn't as bad because there's a lot of feet to fall--which gives the pilot time to turn the plane back on and point up again. But turbulence while taking off makes me a bit nervous--I swear we bounced. Even with all of that, Jella was perfect throughout the flight. We arrive in Portland about an hour late, where we are greeted by my two-and-a-half-year-old-niece-with-a-big-smile-on-her-face (sorry, got a little hyphen happy) and fists pumping wildly at the sight of us ("going cwazy," as she calls it). Made it all worth it.

Golfed Saturday morning with CoopParents and Father in Law, and did pretty well. But you don't care. Upon returning JellaMama and I went to the sealing of a really close friend of hers. There's few things in life that are better than witnessing a sealing between two people who have done it right, you know? The reception was also beautiful, though a bit hoity-toity (read: they served punch) for my tastes. We sat next to the bar (it was in a country club) so that I could see the TV (Oregon Ducks were getting rocked by USC)--JellaMama loves me even with my weaknesses.

Okay, I have come to the realization that this post is becoming as lame as the previous ones, so I'll skip to highlights. The blessing Sunday was great, although I did notice that it was void of blessing her to one day get into Dallas Roberts (interesting... perhaps she will work at Losee Jewelers?). Hanging out with families Friday afternoon and evening was so great--everyone so excited to see Jella.

Perhaps the highlight of the weekend was Sunday night. We were all sitting around Jella, who was laying on the carpet, watching all of the faces she was making. JellaMama was playing the piano beautifully to keep Jella from fussing (which works wonders, by the way), and CoopNiece was randomly pounding keys next to her. After some time, Jella became fussy, at which time CoopNiece quickly bounced off the piano bench, knelt in front of Jella, and, while lightly petting her head, started to quietly sing her "ABC's" to calm her. It even worked! I about cried. It's going to be great for Jella to grow up with cousins so close to her age.

The flight home was fine, except that I've barely slept since--I think since Baby J and her mother are still in Oregon ('til tonight--if you read this today, I miss you) I have temporary insomnia. They get back tonight though, so that'll be good. Then I can at least blame my lack of sleep on the littlun.

So back to the grind it is. It's weekends like that that, though too short, hectic, and somewhat stressful, that help you be in love with life. Even being back at work and school is sweeter. Maybe it was the trees.

Travel Log

I will be traveling to Oregon this weekend. Upon returning I promise to have a post that will redeem its author from quite a few lame posts in a row. Have a great weekend all!

The Ring

It has been suggested that I blog about rings--like the kind you wear on your finger. I'm not exactly certain as to why, but because I am a puppet I will do so.

My wife's wedding ring was free. So that was cool. It was her great-grandmother's 29th birthday gift. It's white gold with 29 small diamonds. Really cool. I think we bought some groceries with the extra money.

My ring wasn't that expensive--although I was apparently the pickiest ring-picker-outer ever. It's not that I never found what I was looking for, it's that I didn't care what I was looking for. I just figured that if she gave it to me, then it'd be perfect. But that started to cause her stress, so I picked a really cool one. I just looked on the internet to see if I could find a picture of something resembling my ring, but I didn't. This post is getting more exciting by the sentence.

Okay, the comments on this post better be worth the time I've taken to write this, the lamest post in my short history of blogging.

The Daily Bubble

For an advertising research class that I was tricked into taking (It was supposed to be a communications research class, but one week before the semester started I got an e-mail saying that it was a section for advertising majors--which I'm not--and that I should go to the section for my major--which I didn't. The section for my major is held during my work time, so I am being forced to learn all about how to deceive people into believing that spending money on a useless product is a worthwhile thing to do.), I am going to be surveying lots (hundreds) of people about University's newspaper: The Daily Universe. The DU has a great circulation and is read by everyone, but their research shows that despite reading it every day, everyone hates it. We figure that everyone reads it just because it's there, it's free, and there's no alternative.

So to help me figure out what questions should be on a questionnaire about the DU, I'm asking for your help!

Let me know what you think of it. Specific things, if possible. What would make you read it more? What parts do you like, what parts don't you like, etc. Just comments about anything that has to do with the DU--whatever you think. Here are the 3 responses that everyone gives, and therefore, I would love it if you didn't answer the same: 1) The editing sucks; 2) Not enough world news; 3) The Church is too involved in the paper. Here are my answers to those... answers.

1) Yes, it does. The paper is written and edited by journalism students on deadlines. It's going to suck. 2) Oh, c'mon... you don't really get your world news from the DU anyway, and wouldn't even if it had more. Most school newspapers don't have any world news at all. 3) That's not going to change. This isn't a "student-run paper" at all (despite #1). It's a free paper at a Church-run university, and copies of it are sent to the Church leaders every day--who then call the paper if they have input. So it really doesn't matter if you think they're too involved--they're not stopping, nor should they. It's their school.

So there you go! Thanks for helping!

Why are Women Always Cold?

As I was looking around the office this morning, I couldn't help but notice the the myriad of female coworkers standing on chairs underneath air-conditioning vents. Each was attempting to cover the vent above them as completely as possible with the thickest paper they could find. "It's so cold in here," they all explained to me. This as I remember how British Female Coworker who sits next to me used to have her desk equipped with a space heater.

This led me to contemplate a question that has been plaguing me for nearly two decades now: Why are women always cold?

In performing a google search on the subject, I was led to a site called Straight Dope. It's a useful site where, apparently, some guy named Cecil answers questions--what a crazy gimmick! Cecil the Omniscient offers these suggestions for why women always seem to be colder than men. I then offer my thoughts on the subject, as usual.

1) Women have less volume in relation to the surface area of their skin, and therefore shed heat quicker than men. This theory is supported by the fact that Coworker Balded is always complaining of being cold, despite the common consensus that he is a man--he has very little body volume. However, this theory is negated by the fact that I also have very little body volume but am rarely cold (by rarely I mean in the winter on a windy and twenty-degree day while riding my bike to campus without gloves), and that one or two of my female coworkers don't actually have much less volume than myself (that in no way means that they are large--I'm just not a particularly gigante fellow as was previously mentioned).

2) Men have more muscle mass, muscles have more blood vessels, more blood means more heat. In my personal case, this just makes sense. I can't argue with science.

3) Women have a higher vasoconstriction threshold temperature. Even after the paragraph explaining this theory I don't understand. I think my brain shuts off when it sees a pentasyllabic word (unless, of course, that word is pentasyllabic).

4) Women get colder during menstruation. I'm not even going to venture into this territory. However, it is highly unlikely that all female coworkers' bodies chose today to start doing their thing.

I have yet to hear a satisfactory answer to this question, but I do have a solution: men need to transfer excess body heat to women. Yes, cuddling is the only way for men and women to bridge the temperature gap. So c'mon, people, do something to better the condition of the world's inhabitants: grab a member of the opposite sex and get comfortable!

Greatest. Commercials. Ever.

Even if you've seen a Terrible Terry Tate--Office Linebacker commercial before, chances are you haven't seen the full-length versions. I encourage all to watch them in their entirety. You may need a good chunk of time, but chances are if you're reading this blog you have it. Each commercial lasts about four minutes.

Warning: You may need a diaper. Soiling one's self is not uncommon.

Terrible Terry Tate
(when the new window opens, click on the links)

We got spirit... how 'bout YOU?!?

The audio/visual department at Occupation has become a major annoyance. Although Department provides all employees with plush headphones (complete with the fuzzy covers to protect the ears), AV Guys find it necessary to not only ignore the free headphones but to play music and soundbites at previously undiscovered decibels. Not that I am always that excited to be focused on work, but I have come to find it a little distracting when my ears bleed.

Today Coworker BaldING brilliantly decided to turn up his speakers to an equally ear-splitting volume level and play Ace of Bass. He was able to play for about ten minutes before Coworker BaldED got nervous and turned down the insanity, quipping "We've got spirit, how 'bout you?!?"

May all of you have as unproductive a work environment as I do.

Songs of the Day Working Again

I just wanted to include a quick post to all of those who were sorely disappointed to find that the links for my Songs of the Day were broken. So here it is:

They work now.

You may return to business as usual. Much like this cow.

Proud of My Dad

Go get 'em, Dad! This is a letter that my dad got published in The Oregonian, Oregon's only real paper. I call it a "real paper," even though sometimes I wonder about their reporting--but what news organization doesn't make you think that it's a circus from time to time? Anyway, here's the letter! The names have been changed to protect the conservatives.

Stop blaming the feds

There is a great myth perpetuated upon the American public that we can be well prepared for catastrophic natural disasters by good planning and a quick response by the federal government. In fact, we can only be better prepared.

As the former head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency's Region X in Seattle, I oversaw the federal response to massive floods, fires, earthquakes, two hurricanes and other less dramatic events in Oregon, Washington, Alaska, California, Hawaii and Guam. In my experience, in every instance, the effectiveness of the initial response was directly dependent on the preparedness of city, county and state governments, rather than the federal government.

I knew within 24 hours of Hurricane Katrina that President Bush would become the scapegoat for the failure of others. That failure of the initial response in New Orleans rests squarely on the shoulders of local and state officials. By law, in most cases the federal government provides funding for preparedness and the "how to" of an immediate initial response. But the initial response is solely the responsibility of local and state governments. Only when they fail to cope and request help (often delayed by political considerations and poor communications) does FEMA enter the scene.

The advice of the feds is often spurned by local and state officials owing to small minds and big egos believing that they know better. Time and again, I saw well-reasoned and time-tested plans discarded by local politicians and planners who simply could not and would not believe that "some federal bureaucrat" could tell them how to prepare for statistically improbable events.

Someday a great earthquake will hit the Oregon and Washington coastlines, and we will witness a similar fate. Will we be ready or will we point a finger at Washington, D.C., and whine helplessly?

CoopDad

Miracle Baby Passes Away

For those of you who have been with Cooped Up since the very beginning (last month?), you may remember a post that had to do with a baby that was born from a braindead mother. (The post is titled "This is why the Lord gives us science and technology" in the August archives--the link to the original story can be found there. I encourage you to read that post so that you know more of the context.) The husband kept his wife alive just long enough to give birth to their second child, and then he let her pass. It was a miracle that the baby girl came out as healthy as she was.

Unfortunately, the poor little girl had an intestinal defect that, after surgery, lead to heart failure. She died Sunday night at 5 weeks of age.

Susan Ann

Although the story doesn't end on the happiest of notes, I am certain that those who were involved are grateful for the time they got to spend with little Susan, and for the lessons they learned while enduring this horrible ordeal. I have learned valuable things through their experience, so I thank the Lord for that. May this family one day be together again for eternity.

I swear...

...I didn't teach her to do this. She must get this gene from her mother.

Song of the Day

Some of you may have heard of Colors before, and some of you may be a little reluctant to listen to an "LDS" band on any day but Sunday. But trust me here, Colors is better than that. I'm not just saying that because the principal singer, Brian (the guy in the middle), is my sister's husband's brother--OH yeah, I've got connections.

They are three guys from Kaysville, UT, who grew up together writing songs. Two of them play the guitar and sing lead (different song, different singer), and one plays the bongos and sings backup. Their music is vocally driven--the harmonies are really the focal point of their songs, but the acoustic guitars are played extremely well. And the lyrics are always heartfelt. I encourage all to buy their CDs online or from Deseret Book. (At least "Outside the Lines," "Falling In," and "Live"--"Standing on the Sun" is their first, when they were really young. Although there's about 2 really good songs, the quality of the recording just isn't worth it.) You won't be sorry--once these CDs get into the player, they rarely leave!

How's that for a plug?

The song I chose to feature of theirs (again, in the menu bar on the right of the blog) is called "The Reggae Song." It's my favorite of theirs because of its fun factor. Brian actually laughs at one point in the song--they left it in there because it fits the mood of the song so well. If you want to hear any more of their songs, let me know!

Mad Cow Joke

Okay, the last couple of posts have been way to seriuos. So here's my favorite joke just to lighten things up.

Two cows are laying in a field, looking up at the clouds and chatting--you know, current events, politics, sports, and so forth. 'Cause cows do that sort of thing.

One cow says to the other cow, "So what do you think of this Mad Cow Disease?"

The other cow says, "What do I care? I'm a helicopter!"

Oh, I love that one.

Update on the State of Democracy

By way of update, the Governator will veto the bill I was talking about yesterday.

Aahnold Makes the Right Choice

Schwarzenegger has previously said that he believes that voters or the courts should have the last word on same-sex marriage, not the legislature.

Novel concept! The people should decide? Scwarzenegger is a renegade!

Although this is funny: "Clearly he's pandering to an extreme right wing, which was not how he got elected," said one of the bill's sponsors....

I'm sorry, the "extreme right wing" is the only group of people who oppose same-sex marriage? Did I hear you correctly? How is that possible, when all of the proposed same-sex marriage amendments failed in all states last November--including my home (and slightly crazy) state of Oregon. It unexpectedly failed by a huge margin! Interesting... I guess the "extreme right wing" is larger than I thought. It must include moderates and only slightly liberal people as well. That makes sense now.

Okay, hopefully I will stop being so serious in future posts. Sorry.

Democrazy

Here's the story in the San Francisco Chronicle, for those who haven't heard of it yet.

Gay marriage up to Governator

No way. You're telling me that gay people are trying to get married? (Gasp!) Okay, so that's not my issue. Democracy is my issue.

California is one of the states that actually has in the wording of its state constitution that the term "marriage" describes a union between a man and a woman. That means that it has been voted as such, by the people, so that this is the way it will be. Here's an excerpt from the story:

Opponents have promised to go to court if the bill becomes law, saying it violates the spirit of Proposition 22, a 2000 ballot initiative that defined marriage as being between a man and a woman. They also say they will go to the polls next year with proposed constitutional amendments that would ban same-sex marriage.

"What about Prop. 22? What about the 62 percent of Californians who supported it? What about their will?" asked Assemblyman Dennis Mountjoy, R-Monrovia (Los Angeles County). "If this legislation doesn't subvert the will of the people, I don't know what does."

As sorry as I am to agree with anyone from southern California, Denny makes the key point here: How is it acceptable for elected officials to overturn what the people have already voted on? That is not democracy. I understand an elected official voting one way in the senate that his constituency doesn't agree with. He or she may feel that it is in the state's best interest to do so, despite what the voters say--and it is that official's prerogative, as an elected statesman. Gordon Smith, an LDS senator in Oregon, is a prime example of that. He constantly goes against the desires of his constituency and still gets re-elected--his constituency respects him. That's not my problem. If a state constitution says one thing and voters have struck down attempts at other interpretations (gay marriage advocates attempting to get around the "marriage is between a man and a woman" thing) through actual voting, then the elected officials should leave it at that.

But what if a representative thinks that the wrong choice has been made by the people? Should he/she just get comfortable with hands planted firmly between chair and cheeks? Not necessarily. Campaign! Lobby! Do whatever it is that you need to do to sway the voters! But don't try to sidestep the democratic process (much like San Francisco's mayor (among others) did a short time ago).

If the voice of the people one day comes to support gay marriage, I will accept it regardless of personal feelings. That is one of the ideals that our country is based on: the voice of the people. Demo- means "the people." (And if you look closely, you'll see "demo" inside the word democracy!)

Now I understand that the United States of America is not a true democracy. There are other countries in the world that are closer to a true democracy than the US is. We are a representative democracy, meaning we vote for people who vote for us. And if those people don't vote the way we like, we vote for others to take their place. But when a state has a voting process built in that allows the people to vote directly on issues regardless of the feelings of one elected official, that process should be respected. An elected official shouldn't try to go around the voice of the people by going to a higher authority, such as the Governor or Supreme Court Justices.

Okay, I apologize. I saw this and got agitated. I'll try not to let it happen again, but we both know I will fail.

Despite having studied politics in college and been around it my whole life, I consider my knowledge of government and the political process severely limited when compared to the collective knowledge of everyone else (imagine that). Please, if you have issues with what I've written, tell me! I'd love to hear what you have to say and force myself to think more deeply about this.

Beware the Powers of 24

Actual quote from JellaMama yesterday evening: "Dangit, all I want to do is watch "24"! And I don't think it's for Jack Bauer. He's old.

Man, what a woman.

My Version of a 3-Day Weekend

Friday Afternoon: Took Jella to her two-week doctor's appointment (actually, I don't remember what I did Friday, and I know that this happened last week, so I'm pretending that it happened on Friday). She is two inches longer, one pound and six ounces heavier (than her birth weight--she's a healthy eater), and her head was even bigger (which I didn't think would happen until she's at least two--it's a huge noggin!)!

Friday night: Watched "The Chosen" with JellaMama. JM had just read the book for a book club, and thoroughly enjoyed it. The movie, however, was lacking. We fell asleep. Which was good, because Baby J didn't let us sleep for most of the night.

Saturday Morning-Saturday Night: Slept late. Very late. It was needed. We slept so late that I don't remember what I did Saturday. I'll have to think harder.

Sunday Morning: JM went to a meeting, so I was left to care for the gorgeous but fussy Jell. The only time she stayed quiet for longer than 5 minutes throughout the morning was when I played guitar. That's pretty cool.

Sunday Afternoon: Took Jella to sacrament meeting for the first time. She was dang cute it an outfit that we just got at BabyGap the other day with the money we got from exchanging all of the boy clothes we bought pre-birth. I'm tellin' ya. Really cute. JM and I bore our testimonies, as is often the case with brand new parents. We never noticed how loud Baby J's hiccups were until we were in a silent chapel--we are dreading the day that she squirts in sacrament as explosively as she does at home. Well, JM's dreading it--I'm kind of looking forward to it. Hilarious.

Sunday Evening: Little Brother In-Law came over to do his laundry in his bi-monthly ritual. By "Little Brother," I mean he's 18. That title by no means refers to his size, which can only be classified as "wicked yuge."

Sunday Morning/Monday Night: At 3 a.m., JM and I were scanning the channels to give our minds something to zone out to as we took turns rocking JM to sleep. We happened upon a "24" marathon on A&E. Let me just say that neither of us had ever seen an episode of the show, and were skeptical about anything that is played regularly on Fox (see The O.C.). After one episode, however, we were addicted.

Monday: Between naps all day, we watched about twelve hours worth of a day in the life of Jack Bauer ("24"). I gotta tell you, that show absolutely kicks butt.

Umm... sorry. I was hoping that if I just started to write I might actually think of something funny or at least slightly clever to say about my weekend. I was wrong.

And the winner is...

Luckily, the suggestions given for the new Wife and Baby code names were of such high quality, because there weren't very many. I'd be disappointed if Cicada and Daltongirl didn't step up to the plate so wonderfully (Ootsie Boodle and Thirty-Eight make it all worthwhile).

Although the suggestions were legendary, I have decided to go in another direction: ever since we considered my daughter's name, I have had the desire to call her Jello throughout her life (or at least throughout mine). However, I understand that this might cause some fat complex problems (even though I can't imagine her ending up fat, given the body types of Wife and myself). I think that perhaps making the name female will avoid these potential issues. So my daughter will now be affectionately referred to as Jella. (I just realized that if you pronounce that as if it were a Spanish word, it becomes a greeting. If you pronounce the L's, as if it were a Spanish word spoken with a bad accent, it becomes an adverb--see: Utah teenager vocabulary.)

Keeping with the tradition of Blogfriends such as Savvymom, I will also affectionately refer to my beautiful wife (formerly Pretty Pregger) as JellaMama, or perhaps JM when I get lazy or get finger cramps. (I also just realized that if you say this name with Spanish word pronunciation #2, it makes even more sense.)

So that's my final answer! Thanks to all who helped by suggesting new names, or even pretending to. This is a huge weight off of my shoulders. I can now blog about my family with the peace of mind that no wacko will find us and do horrible things (because everybody knows that wackos don't look at blog archives). Bless you all.