Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Although I notice the continuing trend of bloggers abusing the privilege to blog by using it only to complain about the world and am irritated by the pattern (which is, in itself, a complaint), I will now join the ranks.
Because I was, again, nearly made late to work (and would therefore have had my perfect punctuality ruined) by an overly cautious driver who refused to turn right until the light turned green despite there being no vehicles between that car and St. Louis, I find it entirely appropriate to voice my frustration right now over some entirely preventable weaknesses that my brothers and sisters of the human family cannot seem to overcome (wow . . . what a sentence!). In doing so, I hope that both of you who read this will understand that I wish no harm on those who perpetrate these gross errors, nor do I cuss (it means swear) at them under my breath. Nope. That never happens. I only wish to bring these issues to the forefront of the minds of my countless readers so that if you are thinking of committing these really-close-to-unpardonable sins you may reconsider.
1) Driving in Utah. This may not be entirely preventable--I only ask that everyone do it as little as possible. Every time I leave the parking lot of my complex I regret the fact that I won't graduate (and therefore flee these motorists--a term used loosely) for another year.
2) Mass e-mails from coworkers in a building located fifteen minutes north advising all within walking distance of the delicious, free, twelve-course leftovers in the break room--hypothetically speaking, of course. I just mention it because if it ever happened it seems like it would be really annoying. Also hypothetically, TAKE ME OFF THE MAILING LIST!!! . . . If that ever happens. Yeah.
3) The use of the word (again, a loosely used term) "anyways." Please, in the name of everything grammatically correct, stop. Use "anyway." Use "anyhoo." Use "I can't think of what to say here because I can't say 'anyways.'" I don't care. You know, I'm not sure the word "anyhoo" could ever be used in intelligent conversation. As I hear a voice saying it in my head right now . . . yep (see #4).
4) The use of the word "anyhoo."
5) The "blessing" of the ice cream and cookies at church functions. Saying a prayer of thanks for the tasty treats is entirely appropriate. Asking for the sugar-laden comestibles (thanks for the word, Ambrosia) to "nourish and strengthen" the bodies they enter seems, at the very least, asinine. (Man, that's a great word.)
6) The Yankees. I hate them.
Although I recognize the fact that a list of six items aesthetically disagreeable, I can feel my mood worsening as I think of all of the worst things in the world (yes, the Yankees are included). So I will return to thinking about how my wife almost went into labor last night! I hope none of you have lists of pet peeves that include people who can only seem to talk about spouses or children. I have a suspicion that there will be more of that from me.
Posted by Cooper Posted at 10:59 AM