I was following a blog trail (clicking on a blog-friend's link to another blog-friend, to another blog-friend, to another...) to take a break from all of this intense editing work I have on my plate, when I came across quite an... I don't know... interesting(?) story (in a blog whose author I have no way of knowing anything about: http://www.crashtext.blogspot.com/).Fox News--'Til Death do Us Part
It appears as though people are using the express lanes to get to shrinks after they get divorced because they're so torn up by the fact that their marriage has ended after saying "'til death do us part" in a church. A "wedding expert" (By the way, what makes her a wedding expert? Let us hope it's not an excessive number of weddings she's been a bride at.) said that getting a divorce after pronouncing those words "can give you a stigma of personal failure."
So what's the expert's solution? She suggests using the phrase "for as long as our marriage serves the greatest good," or "for as long as our love shall last."
Brilliant! It makes so much sense! Rather than avoiding the "stigma of personal failure" by doing something healthy like, say, work at making your love last (Revolutionary! Heretic!), let's just remove the phrase that could cause you pain in the future because, inevitably, you will get divorced. That's just good, solid planning.
Here's a sample ceremony, in the improved, zero-responsibility age:
Priest: "Do you, [insert immature and insecure individual's name here], take [insert individual fooled into marrying immature and insecure individual's name here] to be your lawfully wedded roommate, for no worse than better, in no sicker than healthy, for no poorer than rich, for as long as you both still don't notice each other's faults?
Immature and Insecure Individual: "I guess."
Fool: "Sure."
Priest: "I now pronounce you to be in close proximity to each other, free to have sex without feeling guilty anymore."
I figure marriage is just like the universe: it's all about me, right?
5 comments:
Planning to fail. Sounds like a grand idea. This country is going down the crapper faster than the last thing I flushed down the crapper. I'm moving!
I read that article too, which cause major eye-rolling. I'm glad you took it to the next level w/the witty commentary!
Well, hey. It worked for me yesterday when I hit Vegas. "Til you stop winning at the slots." It lasted a whole 5 minutes.
Hey, Coop! I decided to check our your blog, since you did me the honor of looking at mine, and came across this post. Small world, even on the Internet. Crashtext is one of my best friends. We served in the same mission, and my daughter and I lived with his family after my divorce. The ward thought we were polygamists. We're not. Nemesis knows him too, although she may not know she knows him, because she didn't actually know him as crashtext. Anyway. Back to my little corner of the Web.
Thanks for visiting, Daltongirl! We'll have to make this a regular thing.
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